Trending This Spring: Invasion-Chic

In a legendary SNL-skit Melissa McCarthy‘s Sean Spicer (Trump’s short-lived first press secretary) tries to convince the press room about a sizeable, adoring audience the president had attracted. “The men all had erections and every single one of the women was ovulating left and right“. In a freakish imitation of art, this sarcastic one-liner has become reality every time the larger than life President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky makes an appearance.

The production team of The Batman (movie) must be devastated. The pandemic slowed down the already late filming of the thing, and now that it’s finally out, the real-life superhero addressing the world live from a bunker in Kyiv has absolutely stolen the thunder. Who’s going to buy tickets to see the fictitious Gotham City’s sadistic killer fight rubber-clad Robert Pattinson (who is he even) on a silver screen when the world can follow, in real time, the battle between the good and the evil in the actual capital of Ukraine?

No-one, because ’tis the season for endearing, if a touch tone-deaf trenches-larp where anyone with a hoodie and a five o’clock shadow can get their slice of the war hero-cake!

It’s a man-thing, war. Despite commendable efforts by media outlets to bring forth (notably many Ukrainian) women politicians and soldiers, international analysts and experts, the traditional narrative is unavoidable: women are back in the passive group of “women, children and the elderly”. After years of gender-sensitive woke-speak, testosterone has retuned. My social media feed is filled with war-memes making fun of scrotums. Who’s got the biggest? (Winner is obvious.) When the European Union stood united behind the first sanctions package, this was lauded online as “the EU finally having grown a pair”.

Speaking of sanctions, the EU’s export ban of items above €300 includes wigs, false beards, eyebrows and eyelashes. You rightly raise an eyebrow about the lashes. Now, the World’s favourite fake German heiress, Anna Delvey (née Sorokin) used to have her eyelashes done in New York and they reportedly cost $400, so it’s a thing. Delvey was deported to Frankfurt earlier this week, and is likely looking for new opportunities. Because I want to be the change I wish to see in the world, I am offering this consultation service for free: there’s a sudden surge of assetless ‘garchs trying to figure out how to check into hotels without a functioning credit card, or flying a private jet without actually having one, or chilling on a luxury yacht not one’s own.
You see where I’m going with this. Supply: meet demand.

Here’s the SNL-sketch:

Photo credit: Élysée/ The French Government.

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